All American Hotdogs

All American HotDogs

When I lived in Santa Cruz I occasionally worked up in the hills and would pass this rustic dog stand. It seemed simple enough but for some reason I kept driving by without stopping. Little did I know how much this place would change by street meat life. When I finally did stop by I was struck by the contrast of what seems to a good-ole-boy redneck hot dog stand mixed with a zen garden and a gift shop of wooden trinkets. The food, however, has placed this hidden little treasure in my list of favorite dog spots that I will go out of my way to visit.

The Dog: 5/5

No amount of sauerkraut will bury this huge sucker

I don't know if I've ever seen a dog like this one, it has an uncommon plumpness that I haven't seen before. The first time I laid eyes on their sausages I remember thinking, this is truly a dog from the great nation of 'murica. The thing was about as obscene as a hot dog can get. It had a thick succulent look, swollen, flecked with spice, and tasty as sin. It's not for the faint of heart or easily intimidated, and once you've had it there is no going back.

An appropriate spread of extras

Accouterment: 4/5
For being a little hotdog stand in the mountains, this place actually has a decent spread of toppings, plus a few nice extras like jalepenos, a couple different kinds of hot sauce, BBQ sauce, and celery salt (not sure what that's about, or even how you make salt from celery....?) Nothing fancy, but everything you'll need to enjoy this plump tube of goodness to the fullest.

See that half finished dog? That's how far I got before realizing
I'd made a mistake ordering two.

Value: 5/5
Much like Jack Black's special kind of push-ups, one is all you need. I've made the poor choice of letting my eyes order for me, but eating more than one is decidedly an unwise move. A polish or hot polish dog will run you $5 (the most expensive item on the menu), and it's certainly a meal. If you're looking to splurge go for two smaller dogs, or get one with chili & cheese and top it off with a snow cone. 

Plenty of outdoor seating, especially because no one is ever here

Other: 4/5
This is a tough category as part of what makes the place so great is also what makes it a bit of a pain: it's in the middle of nowhere. Not nowhere, exactly, but on a rural stretch of highway 9 north of Santa Cruz before you get to Ben Lomond (it'll be on the right when you're going north, it comes quick so don't miss it!). The bonus is that you get a beautiful redwood forest as your backdrop. They have a little garden and the strangest curiosity shop of rustic doodads. What more could you ask for?

Overall: 5/5

An easy recommendation after eating these delicious dogs

This is one of those rare places I can't wait to take people to, but I rarely have the chance because it's so remote. I've even conspired to take a detour through Santa Cruz when traveling in California just for the chance to grab one of these dogs. It's worth a special trip and an absolute must if you are within 50 miles of Monterey Bay.

BARK HOT DOGS

Unpretentious and delicious. That's how I'd describe this place. I've been hearing about BARK Hot Dogs for a while, but a general lack of hype around it, which is odd for anything in Park Slope, the area in which hype seems most prevalent. Instead, when people talk about Bark it's like they are referring to the solid neighborhood staple, an obvious place you would go for a classic and delicious dog without all the fancy trappings of a hipper establishment. And they're absolutely right. The first day I went into Bark I got two dogs, and I went right back the next day to get two more. Here's how they were:

The dog: 5/5

Nice and plumpy, just like mama used to make

The Bark dog is all about rustic quality. If Nathan's is your beach bum surfer cousin then Bark is that eccentric but lovable and wholesome uncle who moved out to the country with his beard and overalls to start a farm. I can only barely describe the pure beefy quality of these meat tubes. At first they look like a plumper version of your standard Coney Island fair, but once you take a bite, the combination of strong and subtle flavors, the delicate snap of the dog, and tasteful pinkish coloring, all come together in a marvelous experience. 

A good place to hang out a while

Value: 3/5

Here's the thing, they claim to be an updated and higher quality version of the fast-food model, but that can be a deception and lead one to believe they'll also deliver fast-food prices. It's not the case, but it's also not terribly expensive. The dogs are in the $4-$5 dollar range, and you can get a reasonable meal package for about $10. If this were a food cart, I'd be more upset, but this is a sit down establishment with plenty of seating, and a more extensive menu that In 'n' Out or Shake Shack (actually, it's sort of on par with Shake Shack, but is way better). This is more of a restaurant experience then your typical fast food.

A tray full of meaty happiness

Accouterment: 4/5

As a said before, this isn't one of those over the top trendy spots that offers cream cheese relish and crystalized beer sprinkles, it's just a solid hot dog joint. They've got all the condiments you want, plus a couple of great extras like their Habañero hot sauce, which burns oh so good. They also have some quality sauerkraut, bacon, and chili options, and a cucumber relish (their nod to trendiness) that looks pretty enticing.

Other: 5/5

BARK wouldn't be a Brooklyn establishment if it didn't specialize in local and sustainable foods. Nearly all their food (except a few condiments and drinks) is made locally or in house, and they will tell you exactly which farms they get their food from. Check out a full list here. The staff is super friendly and helpful, and they cultivate a welcoming atmosphere with big tables and free-wifi so you can hang out as long as you like.

Mmmm, just line up that goodness

Overall: 4/5

BARK is the kind of place that is better for getting a 4 out of 5 rating. It's not necessarily the spot I'd take my friends visiting from out of town to show off New York, and that's what I like most about it. It's the perfect example of what a hot dog stand should be like, and stands in contrast to the Papaya Dogs of the world. Instead, we see that you don't have to be high-end and fancy to have quality and sustainable food. This place is going to be one of my new go-to spots, and it should be yours too.

Pink's Hot Dogs

Pink's claims to be the most famous hot dog stand in the world. They may be right. Seated in the center of Los Angeles and established in 1939, it's not hard to imagine the city developed around this most epic of eateries. Its reputation certainly precedes it. The line was as extensive as the menu, with a well planned airport-security style queue, and at the awkward 3pm between meal hour at that.

Besides its obvious popularity as a heart-attack haven and tourist attraction, the next most visible feature is the menu, which is huge and terribly confusing. They apparently have 3 - 6 different kinds of tube meat (all of which are intimidating to see) in addition to dozens of toppings that come in an overwhelming number of combinations. Here's what we tried:

Notice it can't all fit in the picture.

The Dog: (5/5) If you have self-esteem issues or hang-ups about your masculinity, this isn't the hot dog for you. Some are so long I had a hard time fitting the entire thing into the frame for a photo. And they are delicious. Thick, dense, meaty, and with the needed classic snap. They have sausages and all-beef dogs, and mysterious mixes, some with spices, others with jalapeños actually embedded into the dog itself. All are delicious (except the turkey ones, which are only ok, but it's turkey and shouldn't have been a hot dog in the first place).

So Much Topping. So. Much.

Accoutrement: (5/5) One does not simply walk into Pink's and not order toppings. Especially chili. Good lord the chili is delicious. There isn't enough room to go over all the different toppings available, but you can see they certainly don't skimp on them.

Not exactly proper etiquette. Don't judge.

Value: (5/5) I won't lie, the prices at Pink's made me a skeptic. $7 dollars for a hot dog? This seemed a bit much for a souped up food cart. I over-zealously ordered two, which was a mistake. The regular 9" 'stretch' dog (in the middle above) was by itself a meal. I tried to dig into the larger 12" monstrosity, but couldn't even figure out how to pick the thing up. After taking a not so delicate bite, I realized this was a fork and knife job. Even then, I only made it half way through the dog before I had to call it quits. That's three meals out of two hot dogs, and at the end of each one I was pretty sure my arteries couldn't take another bite. Now that's value.

Jalapeños inside the dog. How is it done? How?!

Other: (4/5) They've got veggie and turkey options, outdoor seating, and their fries are unbelievable. I even saw one of the managers warn customers that a cop was coming down the street handing out parking tickets incase anyone needed to move their car. If that isn't service, I don't know what is. 

I was in the middle of a heart-attack during this photo.

Overall: (5/5) Yes the line is long and the place is super-hyped, but sometimes this is justified. Tourists to LA should certainly take the time to visit, and locals already know this is a solid place for a meal. Don't kid yourself about stopping in for a light snack, and prepare yourself spiritually for what will surely be a physical and moral assault on your sense of delicate propriety. Don't let that stop you though, everyone needs the occasional slap in the face of their soul to remind them of what real luxuries look like.

Zack's Shack (Portland, Oregon)

 If not harrassed, he seemed tired, this waiter, host, guy behind the counter, whatever: this poor man was this place's everything, at that hour. That awkward hour between lunch and dinner, when eateries empty and coffee shops swell with the denial of the seista rolling in like fog. Actually, isn't that precisely hot dog hour? Strange.

As the only customer, how could I make the loud, unmistakeable gesture of pulling out a camera?

The dog: 4/5 This blog post is my sole claim to hot dog gourmandaise, but an excess of cultivation is alien to the taste of a hot dog. They are a fine thing, and are ruined by deliberation. It was delicious. Juicy, but not that pack of slimy weiners dripping from the fridge. Because let's admit it, a good hot dog is contained obscenity. The way we like our objects. You see? Ruined.

Acoutrement: 2/5 I misunderstood the menu, reading "coleslaw" and imagining sauerkraut. The fault is mine, of course, but is there a reason I was barred from choosing condiments at my leisure, free from the urgent surveilance of the waiter, however well-meaning? Why must I choose from these cute names under which condiments strain in nearly unreadable type? This may seem like a lot to ask, but I have one more question: Who puts coleslaw on a hot dog?

It is with some relief I note that this dog is not slathered in incongrouously soothing slaw. However, one of them is naked.

Other: 3/5 Finding this faintly sad void where later barflies would gather, I evacuated to the sidewalk benches, which was a pleasant sit, despite adjacency to the wider, busier part of Hawthorne. The gaze drifts to tacos, just down the street, and indeed, ¿por que no?

Overall: 4/5 When I ventured back inside to bus my empty basket, dear reader, a discovery! In my former haste, when I had feared the waiter's wary eye, I had missed the patio out the back door, where ping-pongers gaily swing their paddles in the sunshine--which in this blunt climate, even in the height of summer, withers. And as I departed, lo, I spied on the menu those words--nasty in form but welcome in significance--that I had suspected: "build your own." It's not exactly right, but it will do.

Big Nick's (Upper West Side)

This place has all the trappings of a New York institution. The seating is cramped, the layout labyrinthine, and the menu overwhelming in its size and variety. Which is ironic since the only thing people want to eat there is pizza, hot dogs, and burgers. And the hot dogs are worth it. They aren't the sort of trendy deep fried meat stick covered with eclectic toppings or an Asian-American fusion of heart clogging cuisine; they're just plain ol' New York street meat served up in large portions for a decent price, a good variety of toppings, and the sort of twist that makes you want to go back at least once or twice more to figure out which variation you like the best. Over the last few months, I've had the opportunity to try the hot dog in a blanket, daily double, and the Kobe beef dog.

The Kobe Beef Stick. Who could ask for anything more?

The dog: 4/5 would I take visiting friends to this place straight away? Probably not, it lacks flash and panache, the glamour needed for a 5/5. But as a regular local spot, this is where to go. If I lived closer, I'd be eating porch-style grilled  Kobe beef dogs all the time. Need a place for a date? Try splitting the daily double, two good sized and juicy dogs that come with the requisite coleslaw and fries. And if it all feels like its been done before, go for the hot dog in a blanket, wonderfully wrapped in fresh pizza dough making a sort of hot dog calzone that's worth the extra wait.

The basics, but everything you need for deliciousness

Acoutrement: 3/5 its a diner, so they've got all the basics you need and can accommodate your heathen request for ranch dressing on your hot dog. If you're looking for a rosemary bacon aioli, this ain't the place for you.

Value: 3/5 what you pay and what you get are totally reasonable. It's certainly a meal and comes at no more than $10, which seems fair. If you're not ravenous, it's often large enough to split a single plate and a side. I've never much cared if my hot dog is 'Kobe' or not, and the inflation in price usually makes it not worthwhile, but this one is huge and still stays under $10. It's my recommended go-to if you're looking for a honking piece of tubular happiness.

Pizza Dough wrapped hotdog. Juicy and plump and good.

Other: 3/5 there's certainly plenty of 'other' at big nicks. Can't claim to have even made a dent in sampling the rest of the menu, though I understand their burgers are the big offering. They seem delicious enough.

Overall: 4/5 as I said, a solid local spot. If you want to get off the beaten tourist path or want to explore a new neighborhood joint, try out Big Nick's. In a polished upper west side world, it's nice to have this unchanged dive/diner that's endured through the years.

AsiaDog

When I refer to a 'hole in the wall' and hot dogs, people usually look at me funny. But I'm actually talking about AsiaDog. When I talk about asian fusion, that could be AsiaDog too. When I say I want a hip, cool, different take on something familiar, this is the spot I can go to find satisfaction. Will it be my go-to spot for when I need a funky hot dog? Probably not, the seating is limited and feels more like a takeout/delivery spot than where I might go to hangout and munch on tasty treats, but the food is good and varied and worth popping into if you're on the edge of soho/china town and want a variation of the classic New York street food.

A delicious and gooey mess, this one.

The Dog 4/5
If someone asked me how I liked the dog, I'd have to answer, which one? Variety is the name of the game at the place, and that alone will have me stopping in again if I'm in the area. There are beef, chicken, veggie, and organic options, a myriad of topping combinations, and corn dogs. Of the four dogs tried during my visit, they were described as light, fresh, and somehow 'healthy' (Except the last one with a thick layer of deliciously heart clogging mayo). I am, of course, completely skeptical of any hot dog that seems healthy, but the dog, by itself without other considerations, was pretty good. What really makes the meal, though, are all the toppings for each dog style. So.....

Why is there purple on this hot dog?

Accoutrement 5/5
This was the big win at this place. Each menu item comes with an astounding array of toppings or spreads or additions that boggle the mind but balance on the palate quite well. Simple combinations with a twist like curry kraut and yellow mustard to more complicated mashups like pork pâté, spicy aioli, cucumber, carrots, daikon, jalapeños, and cilantro. And just for fun, you get an option of white or wheat buns. There doesn't, however, seem to be much flexibility in the topping options. This is both an up and downside. The downside is, no personal creative flourishes on your meal, but the upside is a reassurance that each dog has a perfectly grouped collection of toppings as finely crafted as a bonsai tree (or other ambiguously Asian metaphor).

Value 3/5
Expect to spend about $12-15 if you arrive with an appetite. It's not the worst (certainly not a $16 wiener) and for the price you definitely get a unique hot dog experience. Still, when you hit that $5 mark, organic or no, for a hot dog (not a sausage mind you, which is an additional dollar or two) it starts feeling pricey. There is also little flexibility in the pricing, so don't expect to play cheap and go with the 'plain' hot dog, that ain't a choice (and go get a job while you're at it, you parasite on society). This isn't a basic hot dog kind of place, and offering one unadorned of toppings would be against the ethos of the establishment, so expect a more catered, classier, slightly higher-end experience. They do have some combo specials that'll run you about $9, not bad for a light lunch.

It looks like cheese, but it's carrots and daikon radish.

Other 4/5
I'm torn by this category. There have a great selection of sides including sesame kale, wasabi potato salad, and Korean fries (that come with this aioli sauce that should probably go on everything). I like organic, chicken, and vegan options, and the drink selection and generally clean atmosphere are nice. Would it kill them to have a couple more seats though? We are talking luxury hot dog here. It's not my place to suggest (though that doesn't stop me), but these are classy dogs and they could take this to whole new level by making a holistic experience out of their product. I mean, not just Asian toppings, but go all out with table service by kimono clad waiters, Shaolin chefs, manga wallpaper, incense, and a gong after every order is complete so I can taste the entire Asian continent with my skin when I sit down for a bite. Ya man, that'd be awesome. Just sayin'.

Overall 5/5

Korean Yam Fries, and a sauce to die for.

The more I write about this place, the more I think that it's worth making a special trip to check it out. It isn't the kind of place I can see myself visiting on the regular, but in a world where every wiener starts to look and taste the same, AsiaDog stands out as as stroke of color in often drab landscape of hot doggery. There's enough variation, and its all interesting enough, that I'll definitely drop in again the next time I pass by, and I'd even make a special trip out there if a hot dog loving friend (and all my friends have to like hot dogs) was visiting and wanted something different, I might take them here instead.

David Burke @ Bloomingdale's - The Hot Dog

David Burke In the Box is one of those eateries where you'll see people drinking wine at lunch, more often than not paired with a salad. This may be a New York phenomenon, but I'm leaning towards a classy-people-in-big-cities trend. Of course, because it was created by a celebrity chef, it will have some sort of fusion, in this case between the high and low-brow of american cuisine.

Note the classy white people and tiny plate of food.

Not that any of the menu makes sense or is priced in a particularly affordable way.  Though you can get it at the store for 2 bucks, David Burke's Mac and Cheese sells for $16. Oh, that's because it has chives. Well, it makes sense now. (The mac and cheese with lobster is $24). There is simply no theme to this menu, you can have a meal of Chicken Spring Rolls, with a Pizza Entree and a side of Tabouli Salad or 'Cowboy Beef Chili' (though I prefer my beef made from cow, I was curious what cowboy might taste like).

They also have a Kobe Beef Hot Dog, and I simply had to try it.


The Dog: 2/5

Doesn't look like a hot dog, does it? More like "ode to a hotdog"

I know what you're thinking, a poor rating on a KOBE BEEF hot dog? And yet, here it is. The shape, size, snap, all of those things were excellent. The dog itself? It has none of the classic hot dog essence one might hope for. I couldn't figure out why there was little flavor or spice, or why the texture seemed just a touch off, almost too beefy. And then it dawned on me, this was a healthy hot dog. A good dog has to have a balance of fat and mystery cow bits to be good, but this seemed like straight steak meat. Not that I'd normally complain, but I wanted a hot dog and what I got was a tube shaped pastrami sandwich. 

Acoutrement: 4/5
They get a good score for inventiveness, though I can't say I particularly enjoyed it. Sauerkraut and Sweet Pepper Relish adorn the dog with a bit of dijon to add kick. The Pretzel Bun was FANTASTIC though, and should probably be used for everything hot dog related from now on.

Ah, here we have a more authentic look

Value: 1/5 
This was the major sticking point. $16 is a ridiculous price for a hot dog. Did I really care that it was made from Kobe Beef? Did that taste any different? Not really. It's not like it was so much more tender for being Kobe. If it were organic or grass-fed or included something that actually made a difference, they'd get a '2', but in the end I'd rather have paid $1.50 for a COSTCO dog.


Other: 3/5
I could probably go on way too long in this category. Let's just say when I was asked if I'd like a side of Tabouli Salad or Truffle Fries, I was flummoxed. Lots of unnecessary choices, though the yam fries are a nice idea. The green bean and almond salad still makes no sense to me.

OVERALL: 2/5
Maybe I'd have enjoyed it more if I were drinking wine. Or perhaps I simply want spices and flavor in my hot dog. A Bratwurst, Knockwurst, Polish Sausage, Lousiana Hot Sausage, any of those would have been preferable to what I had. And yet, for some reason I think I'd try it again if I went back. I genuinely have no idea why. 

Crif Dogs

After everything I'd heard about this place, I was expecting something a bit more....grand. Most of the other major dog places in the city have bright and huge signage, multiple locations, and are, well, ABOVE ground. When I walked down the stoop into this punkish underbelly of the lower east side I realized that its understated nature IS the appeal of the spot. 

 Crif Dogs opened in 2001, and it retains the gritty feel of an older lower east side even while the neighborhood becomes more and more overcome by the encroaching hipster culture and the pretentious denizens of NYU. Crif dogs comfortably nestles in an area filled with pipe shops, tattoo parlors, edgy thrift stores; when I walked down the stoop into the semi-underground shop and saw the video game machines dating back from the 80's (Double-dragon anyone?),  I knew I had found a true hipster heaven. My only hope was that, like so many fads, there was some sort of fabulous underlay that caused all this hype in the first place. 

Somehow they wrap the bacon and make it crispy.  How? HOW?!

The Dog: 4/5

In the end, it's just a bunch of mystery beef and pork bits, but it's still pretty tasty. They have a couple of different options, the 'snappy all-beef frankfurter' which is basically an NY Coney Island type dog, and the 'Crif Dog' which is a handmade pork and beef mix.  I personally like the all-beef version better, but I appreciate their daring do and the Crif Dog is quite good as well.  The only reason is doesn't get a 5 is because Kobe-Beef dogs exist in this world, and there has to be room left for the best.  All in all, a tasty, snappy, quintessential type dog.

Acoutrement: 6/5

These sorts of toppings will get you hung in parts of Europe

Look, I know this isn't a real score, but any place that offers sour cream, pineapple, scallions (all together mind you), or bagel seeds (something else I'm pretty sure isn't real) than you get extra credit types of points. Crif Dogs has a substantial menu, considering they basically just serve hot dogs, and it's all because of the different combinations of toppings. Cream cheese, you can get a cream cheese dog. It's almost offensive in its boundary breaking.

Value: 4/5

A basic dog will run you less than $3, many of the toppings can be had for free, and the more exotic combinations don't add up to more than $5. That's only a touch more expensive than a Nathan's Famous, but you get real toppings and don't have to swim through a deluge of tourists. In addition, they have value packs that are mysterious assortments of food not divulged on the menu. I'm saving that for a future adventure.

Also, Spy Hunter.  Man I love that joystick.

Other: 5/5

Tater Tots.  Need I say more?  They also have a secret speakeasy in the evenings that can be accessed through the phone booth.  It's called Please Don't Tell. Oops.

OVERALL: 5/5

Not gonna lie, I've already been there multiple times. If I could drag my ass to the lower east side more often, I'd likely be there weekly, it's that good. I've also brought friends, cousins, and girlfriends to check it out. You should too. And then you should take me. And then I'll take you. And then we'll just go together as buddies one more time. Yup.

You see the joy in his eyes?  You want this.

King Gray's Papaya Dog

Here is a strange phenomenon: apparently people in the city have simultaneous insatiable cravings for 'healthy' exotic smoothy type drinks and inexpensive hot dogs. Come to think of it, I often feel a craving for the succulent savory flavor of tube-meat after eating a well balanced and nutritious meal, so maybe it's not all that strange.

Well, Are You?  ARE YOU?!

Anyway, there are a whole bunch of places in the city that fit this bill and, to the untrained eye, they may all seem exactly the same, especially since their names consist of a similar combination of the word 'Papaya' (for the featured smoothie drink) and some qualifier.  As it is right now the three most visible are:

1. Papaya King

2. Gray's Papaya

3. Papaya Dog

You can see where confusion might occur.  While the hot dog itself is basically the same damn thing at any of the locations, there are some important difference that I'll share with you here. 

PAPAYA KING

This is the original smoothie/hot dog place, located in a posh neighborhood on the upper east side.  Actually, it was originally located in a Polish neighborhood, and all they really wanted was to serve fruit drinks, but the eastern European working class denizens of the time demanded the delicate flavor of griddle-fried meat sticks, so they added hot dogs to the menu.

 The Tradition continues today as they still serve a bizarre blend of salty meats and 'healthy' drinks.  Of all the varieties in the city, Papaya King has the most diverse collection of hot dogs and toppings as well as the most variety in drinks, smoothies, and fresh squeezed juices.  They're also the only one to expand outside of NY, having opened a location in Hollywood.

Like so many other tales of innovation and greatness, this one too has enough drama to keep it interesting.  In 1973 one of the partners of Papaya King broke off from the mother ship and created...

GRAY'S PAPAYA 

Even more than it's parent hotdoggery, Gray's Papaya has arguably made the biggest splash in the healthy drink/hotdog combo world.  It's made appearances in movies, television, and even politics (mostly famously endorsing President Obama during his presidential campaign).  They have the most streamlined menu of all the different dog/fruit places offering a simple selection of smoothies and hot dogs to eat, no sausages, no chicken fingers, no nothin'.  I'd also say they're the nastiest of the places (at least, the upper west side location) and the most overpriced, but I guess that's the cost of eating trendy.  Finally, there is:

  PAPAYA DOG

Perhaps it's my inherent soft spot for the underdog (pun intended), but of all the locations mentioned, this is the one I frequent the most.  

I don't know where Papaya Dog came from, I don't think it has such a sordid past as Gray's Papaya, it's probably just a regular old knock-off, but it's cheap, has a melted cheese topping for hot dogs, and offers a whole bunch of other great crappy foods like fries and hamburgers and even vegetarian options, which, indigestible as they are, at least go with the whole theme of the healthy smoothies.  Let's get to the ratings, shall we?

The Dog: 3/5 (4/5 for the sausages)

Honestly, they really are all about the same, and quite similar to Nathan's Coney Island dog.  I know hot dog connoisseurs around the city are freaking out as they read this and I'm probably losing tons of street cred by saying so, but it's basically true.  They're long and thin and salty as hell, but they beat the pants of a dirty water dog from your typical street vendor.  Papaya King and Papaya Dog both offer a sausage dog as well, which is basically the same damn thing just fatter and fits in the bun better, which I like.  The bun-to-dog ratio is very important.  (Ok, the sausage at Papaya Dog is inferior to that of Papaya King, but Papaya Dog is two blocks from my house, so I'm biased). 

Accoutrement: 

5/5 Papaya King                        4/5 Papaya Dog                      1/5 - Gray's Papaya              This, ladies and gentlemen, is where it really starts to matter, so pay close attention.  In a world where most hot dogs are basically the same phallic shaped bit of deliciousness, sometimes it's the toppings that make all the difference.  Here Papaya King wins out.

 I haven't given a 5/5 in this category yet, but I'm doing it because they've provided an option I've never seen before: eggs.  They offer what I've always looked for, a genuine breakfast hot dog.  They also offer fries on their dogs, crunchy onion, chili, cheese, the whole nine yards.  Except mayo, only Papaya Dog seems to offer that, which for me is a necessity to fully enjoy the dog experience.  Papaya Dog doesn't offer quite as much exotic variety as it's Kingly older brother, but it has plenty of topping variety including chile and cheese, onions, and all the standards.

And then there's Gray's Papaya, silly place that it is.  Only Ketchup and Mustard.  Oh, and onion.  They may also have Kraut.  Totally inadequate.  For being such a famous place you'd think they'd offer some decent options, but perhaps there is a certain elegance in simplicity.  If you're into that sort of thing.  Me, I like toppings, hence the low rating.

Value: 

4/5 (Papaya King and Papaya Dog), 

3/5 (Gray's Papaya)

All these different spots have basically the same special, a combination of dogs, usually two frankfurters, with a drink (sometimes fries thrown in) for around $5.  It's really not bad at all, though by comparison to the others, Gray's Papaya falls short.  Papaya King is a touch more expensive, but I do have to admit that the quality is better.  They also have the best variety of combination options.  Papaya Dog has a number of good combo options and is the cheapest, though the lower quality of the sausage is a bit of a bummer.  Frankfurters are basically the same though, and they're combo comes with fries.  Gray's, however, is the same as Papaya Dog, but a dollar more with no fries.  Generally, a big lose.

Other: 4/5 (Papaya King, Papaya Dog) 2/5 (Gray's papaya)

Papaya King just offers lots of cool stuff, including fresh squeezed juice, which is great.  Papaya Dog offers all your basic fast food items, sans pizza, but the variety makes it easier to cajole your mom, girlfriend, coworker, etc. to go there with you since there's something for everyone.  Gray's only offers dogs and smoothies, which they all offer.  It's a cool extra for a hotdog place, but in comparison they are way behind.

OVERALL SCORE:

Papaya King 5/5 

Papaya Dog 4/5

Gray's papaya 2/5

 When it's all said and done, you can't beat the king; they've got options, class, and history on their side.  If you happen to be in the neighborhood then definitely check it out.  Papaya Dog gets a 4 because I go there all the time and the value is really quite outstanding.  The atmosphere sucks and I wouldn't use it as a date spot, but in a pinch it's great.  Gray's is also decent in a pinch but I always feel a little ripped off.  I'm bummed by the lack of topping and other options and that extra dollar feels like a hefty expense for what you get.  So, now you know.  Choose wisely.

Shake Shack NYC (44th and 8th ave.)

My apologies for the long time between posts.  I know many of my faithful readers have been sick with anticipation for my next review, and y'all deserve better, hopefully my new work schedule will allow for more frequent food adventures, though I have to say the total lack of inspiration in New York taco makers has made it difficult to find something worth reporting on.  So, in hopes of finding a deeper satisfaction, I've decided to focus a little more on my hot dog fetish.  Let's take a look at Shake Shack, shall we?

Theater District Location, the one I visited.

 The problem I'm finding with New York is that, although it has the reputation of being a hot dog oriented city and there is a dirty water dog cart on just about every block, it's difficult to find a restaurants that actually features a hot dog.  As a back up, I've started to check out popular burger joints that happen to have dogs on the menu.
Shake Shack is a super-popular, expensive and over-hyped staple of the NY area.  It's a lot like In-n-Out Burger in California with similarly long lines and flavor, but with slightly larger menu variety.  Also, they sell beer.  

The line outside the midtown store during the first week of business

I just don't understand the hype of these type of spots.  They're corporate chains with run of the mill food made with so-so ingredients and, in the case of this establishment, it's over-priced.  Is the need for our familiarity and creature comforts so great that we can't appreciate all the much better mom and pop shops that have decently priced homemade food that is thick and juicy and delicious? Alright, before I become too self-righteous, here's my assessment of their dogs.

The Dog: 2/5
There is simply no excuse for the sorts of shenanigans Shake Shack is pulling on the good people of NY.  For all the hype, I can't believe what a disappointment the food was. Their burgers are quite tasty and have a high quality, but they don't put the same love into this woefully mistreated step-child of burger joints. They claim it's a chicago-style dog, split down the middle and griddled perfectly. In my dog's case, griddled perfectly meant served cold and placed normally in a soft and untoasted bun, though it was partly cut in half; but the way they cut it didn't change the poor bun/dog ratio, it didn't change it at all, in fact.  Stupid hot dog. Nice potato bun though, very tasty. But stupid hot dog.

A sample dog.  As you can see: Meh.

What I will give them, and the only thing taking the rating up to a 2/5 is that they provide a number of different options, which I appreciate since I grew up with a bunch of hippies and picky eaters that insist on non-beef options for their hot dogs.  They've got the Bird Dod (made of chicken), and the Garden Dog, which isn't really a dog at all, just the bun with a bunch of toppings on it. This is also the In-n-Out solution for vegetarians, but with Shake Shack not only is it lame, it's unoriginal. Stick with the burgers.


Acoutrement: 3/5
 Okay okay, they do have a lot of toppings, more than usual in fact, though my personal experience was ruined a little by a 'plain' hot dog that was covered in a mountain of sauerkraut.  They claim to have a chicago style dog, which means it's usually got relish, onion, tomato, mustard, cucumber, pickle.  Apparently they also have more exotic toppings on occasion at other locations, but I didn't see it.  Mayo wouldn't have killed them though.


Value: 2/5
$3.50 for a hot dog with just kraut.  If I can get the same or better on the street, it's definitely not a good deal.  Even the organic hot dog place sells it for the same or cheaper and you can get an all-beef properly griddled sausage from most halal carts for $2, so a good value this is not.

As you can see, they have other things.

Other: 3/5
Most everything else here is pretty good, but the lines are long and the place is always packed. I seriously can't tell you why, I'd rather eat at a food cart just about any day instead.  They do have beer. And milkshakes.  That's why it's called Shake Shack. The above review is why it's not called Hot Dog Shack.


OVERALL: 2/5
It just...wasn't good.  Getting served cold was the really big disappointment.  I mean, I know they get busy and all, but if you can't take the time to cook your food things have got to change.  The lines are just silly, especially since they trail outside and down the block.  Their other food is good, just over-priced and over-hyped, and the hot dog sucks.  And now you know, and knowing is half the battle.