TACO BOX

If you're looking for a hole in the wall, you can't get any more literal than the Taco Box. This spot is nothing more than an ordering window with a counter and barstools lined up outside, making it nearly impossible to visit during the coldest winter months, which, in a way, is part of the charm. Taco Box typifies the best of the New York taco, it's high end, with modern or fusion twists and prices to match. It's places like this that are teaching me New York doesn't make bad tacos (all the time), but your choices are the fancy taco or something dry and flavorless, suspiciously made along side a plate of general tso's chicken. The Taco Box is the former option, and provides a comparable list of quality meats with some modern twists like short rib and sautéed rock shrimp accompanied with fancy sauces. I tried just about everything they had to offer, here's how it breaks down:

They are as tasty as they look

Taco: 5/5 The meats are, across the board, pretty darn excellent. The ones to try especially are the Pollo, Al Pastor, and Chorizo. The pollo in particular was some of the best grilled chicken taco I've had in NY, tender, flavor, and melts in the mouth. The chorizo is wisely cut with egg in an appropriate balance of spicy, greasy, and delicious. The al pastor was crispy and sweet, with a number of distinct flavors of pineapple and smokey BBQ, definitely worth getting. Honorable mention goes to the short rib, which was tender and dripping with sauce and juice, a much better alternative to the bistec, which I found lacking flavor and a little gamey. 

A pricey taco for a place with no roof

Value: 1/5 Perhaps I should change the name of this blog to "the over priced taco blog". I get it, rent is expensive, and food prices inflate to match, but when you don't actually have a restaurant, but rather a literal hole in the wall, you'd think the cost per taco would reduce dramatically. Isn't there some sort of rule out there for the price of a taco in a place where I can get rained on?What really killed me was the $3.50 vegetarian taco, which is WAY too much for beans, veggies, and guacamole. The tacos themselves seem large, but I ate six of them, so either they are not filling, or they were super delicious and I was starving. Either way, this taco outing cost me about $20.

Sriracha I can go with, but Tabasco?

Accoutrement: 4/5 They provide two homemade salsas, a red and green, which are both quite good, and then an assortment of bottled sauces, which didn't at all match the quality of the other offerings (Tabasco? Really?). But the clincher is that each taco is provided with its own special toppings that were an excellent fit to the offered meat. Nopales, avocado-lime mayo, chili habanero, and crunchy chicharrones all show up and add an extra kick to make the taco that much better.

Forgot to take a pictures before biting in. I'm not even sorry.

Other: 3/5 I give them an extra point for the outdoor seating, but that is about all they have in terms of 'extras'. There are too few stools, and the slanted bar make it a little awkward to eat at.  Excellently panfried tortillas though. And they get one more point for their provocative name, about which I have tried to go this entire post without making an innuendo, and have now failed.

Overall: 4/5 Taco Box is definitely worth a visit, but the cost makes it prohibitive as a regular go to joint. It's too bad, since the food is actually quite good as I'd love to drop by the place every time I'm in the area, but I also don't feel like spending $15+ on my taco habit. Still, if you've got the itch, it's a good place to scratch it.

Dos Toros Taqueria

 Dos Toros Taqueria is basically the local version of Chipotle, and everybody likes Chipotle. So, if you're one of the 3 or 4 Manhattanites who don't want to support a national chain, this place is for you. They also have a location in Williamsburg, but I can't imagine people who live in Williamsburg read this blog since the half-dozen regular readers have likely made it too trendy for their hipster ways. Besides, the number of young and hip people with beards (not in a mountain man sort of way) that populate this hole-in-the-wall suggest it is already a known spot for those of a certain cultural bent. 

Anyway, this place doesn't feel anything like a Chipotle clone, and there are subtle distinctions in craftsmanship and quality that make a huge difference and give Dos Toros a definitive edge. So I take back what I said, it's not a Chipotle clone at all. They claim to bring Bay Area style Mexican to New York. Here's my take on it:

Note the delicate tortillas and delicious toppings

The Taco: (5/5) The tacos themselves are delicious. The meats are grilled and tender and juicy and in all other ways delightful. It's not just the quality of the meat that stands out, this is a whole package type of place. The balance of toppings to tortilla is carefully done and all the tortillas are freshly made daily. Attention to detail here is key, and they get it done right. For instance, they use a monterey jack cheese and briefly melt it onto the tortilla before before adding other toppings, which perfectly binds the whole taco together and ensures an even distribution of cheesiness throughout. 

Pre-melted cheesy goodness

Accoutrement:(4/5) They offer up two different salsas, both made in house, and both quite delicious. There's a standard red (spicy) and green (less so) variety, and they are actually spicy for realz, but in a delicious and flavorful way. Also, they offer guacamole as an extra on anything, and it's only a $1 charge. This was always an annoying sticking point with me and Chipotle where the addition of the green goodness will put you a solid $2.50 back. Guacamole shouldn't cost me the price of another taco.

This is what you get for the price of a burrito

Value: (1/5) Gird your loins for a short rant. $4 a taco is too damn much.  And they're fairly small. The standard taco vs. burrito pricing model has simply been ignored. For the price of a burrito, one should get the equivalent amount of food so that the price per meal (PPM for short) is about the same. All other items on their streamlined menu follow the same PPM model, but only two tacos is the same price as a burrito, and two is only half of a meal. The combination of smallness and delicious make it so that I could eat these tacos for days and never want to stop. But then my wallet would empty and I'd only have hunger and tears to fill it. Make them $2.00-$2.50 a piece and throw in some chips and we'll have an appropriate PPM that matches everything else.

They certainly don't hide what makes them special. Makes my job easier tough.

Other: (4/5) True to their Bay Area roots, Dos Toros is big on the sustainability bandwagon. I feel the same about being green as I do about Dave Matthews Band, I love the thing itself but can't stand the fans. That being said, they do a great job of attending to little sustainable details, down to their receipt tape, which is BPA free (yes, this is a thing). Their chicken and beans are locally sourced and organic, and even the tables and chairs are made from reclaimed wood. Overall, it lends a feeling of care and attention that goes beyond the decor. 

Overall: (4/5) The reality is the Bay Area isn't known for its tacos, you go to LA for that. The Bay is all about burritos, and for burritos I'll be a regular here. The Burritos are delicious and have an appropriate PPM, but the truth is I'm a taco guy, and when I go into a place that has taqueria in the title, that's what I want to get. I walk by one of their locations all the time, and the memory of those sweet flavors entice me to go in, but then I remember the price, and I can't bring myself to shell out the cash. If, however, you are looking for tasty eats you can feel good about, and don't mind spending a pretty penny on them, this is the place for you. Especially if you have a beard.

¿Por Que No? (Portland, Oregon)

Their website has a "mythology" page, on which the owner, Bryan Steelman, praises the "honest smiles of the people" of Mexico. These pale, taco-induced smiles around me, then, must be the other sort. I must misunderstand the kitchen staff on their break joking about Portlandia in Spanish--how could their latin tongues know irony?

This may seem beside the point, but we are concerned with matters of the tongue. If, like the owner, we are inclined to trust honesty, how can we trust the artfully distressed brick walls, where a profusion of Guadalupes watch over us?

Personally, I think honest food is a nonthing, a dopey Jamie Oliverism. Indeed, this is precisely why I distrust this food, which sports dual pretensions of being authentically Mexican and locally sourced. Each meat is preceded with--a what? Place? Company? Brand? Farm? It hardly matters, so long as we know it came from Somewhere.

It seems to be a winning duo of pretense: patrons are always spilling out in lively lines, energized by the imminence of tacos. (Or, let's be honest: of decor.)

I took a photo!

The Tacos: 3/5 Relieved of its proper nouns, the meat shines. That's the wrong verb for this meat; it is, as they say, solid. Both beef and chicken were tender yet charred, juicy yet toothsome. There is of course a lot more than beef and chicken tacos on the menu, including vegetables, fish, squid, and shrimp. Noteably, no tripe, tongue, or heart. I can't blame them--I can't stomach to try such stuff, either.

The meat has been pampered, but the tortilla has been abused. The menu says they're "fresh housemade corn tortillas!" and perhaps this is true: they were fresh a few days ago. I only complain because a $3 taco (they're small) has a certain onus. It's not bad, but it's not ideal. It falls apart a bit, it lacks that suppleness. Still, I devoured it.

Acoutrement: 3/5 Your hand is forced somewhat by the salsas that are already on the taco. They have a braggable selection in plastic squeeze bottles, but my tacos came with an enervated salsa casera and some kind of orange goo. The menu tells me this is "crema." It is creamy. Oh, maybe I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to tacos--surely cream can't hurt. After all, Guy Fieri's tacos come with crema. Er.

Value: 2/5 $3 isn't absurd for a gourmet taco, but what's so special about them? Is it that Bryan Steelman went on a trip to Mexico ten years ago, and culinary history changed forever?

Other: 4/5 I have pilled this plate with vitriol already, but there's no denying this place is a phenomenon, and coming here is to experience it. It's in its prime. Somehow, it snowballed just right; everyone goes to the place everyone goes.

Overall: 3/5 Come for the above, stay for some pretty good tacos. Also, the aguas frescas are good, or at least interesting. The jamaica is good shorthand for the particular tastes appealed to here: very strongly brewed, with not much sugar.

Robo Taco (Portland, Oregon)

I refuse to photograph these tacos. Not because they're so horrible to look at, although I'm not keeping much from you. They come on a paper-encrusted tray, with a troubling amount of space between each flat taco. I refuse to out of self-consciousness, not wanting to be one of those people who photograph what they eat. Nausea toward unceasing aestheticism does not stop aesthetically mediated decorum, nor does it stop the internal spewing of judgements that so offend an anti-sensibility sensibility. Note that above I noted that the space between the tacos is troubling. What kind of eaters note such things? What kind of eaters, indeed, take notes? What kind of people are "eaters," when there is nobody who does not eat?

Not the intended patrons of Robo Taco, although certainly the paintings of robots and colorful, presumably taco-producing locales are designed to appeal to someone's sense of cuteness. It is not quite "stoner food," but a category of food at once more general and specific, "post-bar food." With its homey multicolored lights, it is a kind of hospital for the strained aesthetic economies that surround it, bars so dimly lit that they appear to have lost electricity--something meant to magically displace onto its customers. I may have my circutry metaphors crossed, but that's a lot of potential resistance. Just how lively can one become when sufficiently sedated?

The distance between lively and deadened isn't far. It's about a block. Here, there is nothing to appreciate and nitpick. There are no appreciators and nitpickers orchestrating experiences. There is no nuance. Robo Taco has created an ontology of taco. Taco is taco. Meat is meat. Relleno is relleno. Food does not come on the painstakingly composed plates of cuisine, but is made of discrete components. A chile relleno plate does not have a chile relleno, but has chile relleno; it contains beans, rice, and kind of Mexican mash of chopped-up chile rellenos and salsa. It's not difficult to imagine robots in the kitchen.

There is an automatism in eating here, too. When every thing is a proper noun, there is no reason to develop knowledge about any of it. It is consumed like a landmark. Which I presume is as lovely as anything can be sometime after midnight, the waning of alcohol pressing on the back of the skull, the electricity both dead and revealed not to be static, after all. I'll leave the tacos to people with such needs. Robo Taco's place in the local geography is clear, but this is a blog of a wider area and mood. We map a different index, photographing and nitpicking food because we're innocent enough to seek out innocence. We want to eat the taco that does not invite us to wonder if it's the right taco. We at Street Meat Nation are nostalgics.

The Taco: 3/5.
Accoutrement: 4/5.
Other: 3/5, but I speculate: 5/5 if drunk and/or hungover.
Overall: 3/5-4/5.

Mexican BLVD.

Some places you just love to love, and Mexico Blvd. is one of them. I won't say I wasn't skeptical, and when you walk by a pimped out black van claiming to sell authentic Mexican tacos in the middle of the Ultra-Hip Dumbo neighborhood in Brooklyn, a little skepticism is expected. I walked by a full four times, made a face at the $3 per taco menu, and eventually decided it's my god given duty to sample what they had to offer. I am humbled to say I was blown away.

Who can resist that face?  Who I ask?!  WHO?!

When you visit this truck, and you absolutely must, the first thing you'll see is a mop of curly hair above a good looking boyish face with a huge grin on it. If that doesn't lure you in, ask him about where he's from and the story behind the food and he'll tell you about his families journey from Mexico City, the hours they spend slow roasting the meat, and the take-to-your-grave secret sauce recipes. He convinced me to try just about one of each taco and threw some guacamole into the mix. Here's what you should try (I recommend a bit of everything).

The Taco: 5/5

Food Porn. Hmmmm.

Greasy taco truck this ain't. If you're looking for delectable and fried bits of mystery meat from parts of a cow you didn't know existed, this isn't the place for you. What you'll get instead is happiness all over your mouth. Warm, gooey, savory, salty, rich, delicious happiness. I forgot to ask which tacos were which, so I couldn't tell them apart all that well, and I have to say I didn't care. The marinated meats, with all the sauces were moist and full of kick. Their great-grandmother, who created the recipes, knew was she was talking about when it comes to marinades. They are absolutely nothing like the street tacos I've had in Mexico, and yet still feel fully from south of the border. Even with the overtones of Texas BBQ and smokey goodness, it doesn't lose its inherent Mexican-ness.

Acoutrement: 4/5

You see that? A whole pineapple slice. Truth.

Sure, there aren't certain things you'd expect like a choice of green or red or orange salsa to add on your own, or pickled carrots and jalapeños, but what they do offer makes up for it. They've got a spicy sauce you can toss onto any taco (yes yes yes) and the Al Pastor comes with a whole stick of fresh Pineapple. Amazing. Also, their guacamole tastes fresh and somehow green and.....well, it's just worth it. Buy a side of it and put it on everything. It's good by itself, on a taco, with chips, spread it on your little brother, wherever.

Value: 3/5

We are talking a $3 truck taco here, so when I say we've got a value of 3/5 that's because of what you get for $3. There's no weak Filling-to-Tortilla ratio here, it's balanced perfectly and three tacos will fill you up no problem. Two would likely do the trick, and while that's a bit steep for those accustomed to $1.50 street tacos, what you get is worth more than twice the value.

What is this?  I have no idea.  Was it delicious? You bet.

Other: 4/5

I wasn't sure what to put into this category until I visited their website. My thought was, if you don't even have a place to sit, your other category will probably get a low score.  (Also, there's a little grocery store across the street with tables and cheap drinks, go sit there if you need a spot.) But then, GENIUS!, they are a truck, and trucks deliver. But do they deliver? No, they cater. You know what sold me on this category? A taco birthday. That's what they advertise. So, if you're planning my birthday, let's get these guys together and have a killer house party. They also travel around to different areas of NYC instead of sticking to their usual spot in Dumbo. Anyone that believes in  spreading the taco love enough to head over t Queens gets a thumbs up from me.

OVERALL: 5/5

Add caption

NY knows food trucks. Mexico City knows taco. Put the two together and BAM, you get this place. It's even worth the trip to Dumbo. Don't want to wait in line for an hour at Grimaldi's?  No problem, just visit Mexican Blvd. Never venture outside Manhattan? Have them cater your next event. Either way, you gotta meat (get it, MEAT?) these guys and try their stellar taco.

Patron Mexican Grill

I've been avoiding this tackily branded establishment for a while now. They seemed to pop-up over night, and in locations all over the west side, distracting from the usual jumble of sleek foodie restaurants and gaudy Asian fusion that generally peppers mid-town along 9th avenue.  I'd further avoided Patron  (be warned of the link, the music about to come from your speakers is trite and annoying) because of the unexpectedly high prices for:

a.) Mexican Food, and 
b.) What seems to be a pre-fabricated local chain.

 Even in NY, I don't expect most places that offer a $5 Margarita to charge more than $2.50 for a taco, especially since there is still at least once place in the Lower East Side that offers dollar tacos (on tuesdays only. If you order a beer. Review coming soon).

Anyway, I eventually caved because they were offering a groupon for half off dinner for two, so I grabbed by beau and made her eat tacos with me.  Here's what we found:

The Taco: 4/5

I hate to say it, but the darn thing was pretty good. There is a pattern to ordering tacos in NY, and Patron fits itpretty well.  If you're at a trendy restaurant feel safe ordering the steak, if it's a hole-in-the-wall taco joint stick with Carnitas, Chorizo, Lengua, etc. In general, avoid the chicken. Patron's prices are higher, but it's because they offer tacos with things like nicely marinated and grilled skirt steak. It almost misses the taco experience since it's more like having a nice steak that happens to be wrapped in a corn tortilla, but they save it with a proper marinade and the right sort of toppings. To their credit, their tortillas are handmade and quite good - a quintessential part of the authentic experience often missed in NY. The meat was stellar. Grilled like a steak and chopped after so it may be cooked to order. Tender and delicious. The Carnitas were exceptional and mixed with some sort of sweet fruit (mango? Pineapple?) or perhaps marinated in the right fruit juices that made it a unique treat. If you go with a friend order one of each and split them, you'll be happy you did.

Acoutrement: 2/5

There were sauces, I'm sure of that because I have pictures. They apparently weren't worthy of note taking. I will say that when meat is that good, there is no reason to cover it up with sauces unless they are exquisite. I'd not call them that, I'd call them forgettable, which is too bad because I'm usually a sucker for mysterious looking dark orange sauces. I did enjoy the addition of avocado, that always helps and the side of beans and rice makes it a full meal, but they definitely lacked in the salsa category.

Value: 2/5

Regardless of how much I actually enjoyed the food when it got to my mouth, the price of the place has kept me from going again, which makes me think the final cost/experience ratio is lacking. I was charged $17 for 4 tacos that, while tasty and filling, still comes out to over $4 a taco, and homey don't play that. Go with a groupon or if you plan on balancing your bill with the $5 margaritas.

Other: 2/5

$5 margaritas are noteworthy, though not exceptional, the service was slow, ambiance loud, and the other food offerings were uncomfortably priced for Mexican cuisine. I do need to mention the Avocado fries. Remember when Burger King came out with Chicken Fries? This is disappointingly nothing like that. Avocado fries are a sort of deep fried ice cream, substituting the traditionally delicious dairy product for avocado. This had a ton of potential to be crispy and delicious and cool, but it was overly bready and doughy and....well, just not what one might hope for. So don't be tempted! They sound like a good idea, but if good sounds were delicious, there'd be no such thing as a starving musician.

OVERALL: 3/5

In the end, the tacos were a much better experience than I was expecting but the price/atmosphere/service dragged this rating down pretty far. If your friends are looking for a bar experience and you are looking for tacos (and don't mind shelling out for them) go to Patron, otherwise I'd check some of the earlier blog posts for decent tacos in the $2.50 range.

Agave (Ashland, Oregon)

If you have any sense, I won’t be able to convince you that the tacos at Agave are anything other than mediocre. But once, under the influence of oxytocin and a little alcohol, I ate tacos there that can only be described as transcendent. I objected to the aesthetics of them--the repackaging of Mexican food as self-consciously healthful and mild--yet I could not deny the sheer pleasure of biting into one. There are advantages to Mexico as discovered by yuppies over Mexico as imported nostalgically over the border by immigrants. For one, the meat was cooked perfectly, meltingly, rather than grilled or fried to a crisp. Wait, sorry, that’s the only thing. But that went a long way, and everything else was good. The salsa, while it lacked heat, had the sharp and sweet flavors of cilantro and fresh tomatoes of the non-insipid variety. The tortillas were at once crisp and soft, not stale, damp, and falling apart.


I didn’t think about any of this then--I was too surprised at how thoroughly I enjoyed it. I had scoffed at this place every time I passed its signage that proudly displays a plant as if it’s a revelation. Imagine if it had been named “Cabbage”. Though perhaps it should have been. There’s plenty of cabbage on the menu, and the only agave for sale is in the form of tequila. You may need it, if their sunny attempts to transport you to Mexico fail and you’re forced to face the food under the garish grey light of these latitudes in winter.

These transcendent tacos, they are only known by one other person, the same who I lunched with. It was pushing our luck to go back to Agave after sharing such gustatory delight there. It is to the cook’s credit that the tacos deluded us into thinking that they emanated from some ontic stability, to which we could return at our leisure. We did. The tacos literally fell apart in my hands, despite their wet innards being quarantined by two tortillas. The tortillas had come out of a bag, probably one that was at least two days old. The moldy aftertaste came from precisely that. The foundation on which tacos are built had sloughed onto our plates. What was left?


First we denied anything was amiss. Then we balked, and, finally, we rationalized. That first halcyon visit, we had come at around four when hardly anyone had been here (this second time it was 1pm). The cook must have had the time to take real care with the food, and probably there had been a different cook. Maybe they normally use fresh tortillas, but ran out today. Yes, yes, the lunchtime rush, the cook, that must be it. The experience, no, it was real, surely.


Meanwhile, we were busy with the wait staff, maintaining our own delusion, or maybe the restaurant’s, I’m really not sure any more. How is everything? Oh, good--no, delicious! The performance of enthusiasm that flares up in the friction between professionally doting waiters and polite customers can get a bit scary. The line between cheeriness and violence feels thin. The same unnaturally widened eyes could belong to someone yelling “good, I’m glad you like it!” at you or to someone stabbing you with a chef’s knife. I’m grateful whenever the fervor dies down.

Then came the flan. It more or less broke my mind. It came with a purple orchid, which my companion optimistically took as a personal gift from our waitress. If the flan was a part of this gift, it was the most mixed signal I’ve ever received. Of course, as it is with mixed signals, I wasn’t sure what part of it came from myself. Settling a slightly warm chunk of creamy custard onto my tongue with a spoon, I was given a wave of nausea. Whence? The texture was lovely, the flavor was at once strong caramel and smooth milk, and it was sweet but not overpoweringly sweet. I put another morsel in my mouth, and felt instantly gravitated toward the floor. It was perfect, yet I was not inhaling it, I was choking it down. I wanted to throw it back up, yet I ate my entire share of it. Our waitress glowingly asked us “how is the flan?” I must have looked stunned and indecisive, like a squirrel getting run down by a car. Thankfully, my companion swooped in to say “bliss”. I wasn’t sure if this was intended for our dessert or for the girl who served it to us, who seemed satisfied with the answer and went on her merry way.


I hardly remember the bill, or even going out the door. Eating there had sunk me deep into an epistemological crisis.


Ratings


The Taco: 3/5 (Some of the time, if you're sufficiently deluded, it goes beyond taconess to become something equally beautiful, the rest of the time it's a mediocre taco.)


Accoutrement: 1/5 (There are no salsas--only that which is already in the taco.)


Value: 2/5 ($2.75 a taco at the very cheapest, and just down the road better tacos can be had for $1.50.)


Overall: 2.5/5

Taqueria Lower East Side (198 Orchard st. and Houstan)

Here's the deal, anyone can put together some greasy shlock in a corn tortilla and call it a taco, but it takes true care and artistry to make that folded bit of starch and lipids a delectable delight.  It takes more than just cooking talent, it takes soul.  Taqueria of the Lower East Side, I take my hat off to you.

To be fair, I was skeptical at first.  This area of the lower east side seems completely devoid of any sort of Latin flavor, it's a white-washed-too-cool-for-school-tragically-hip area populated by what are most likely recent NYU grads, my least favorite sub-species of New Yorker.  The combination of an amazing offensive woods statue depicting a 'traditional' Mexican and Ferris Bueller's Day Off playing on the TVs with some generic indie rock in the background didn't help my prejudice either, but I figured it's my job to try it anyway, so in I went.  

The Stunningly Racially Insensitive Statue

The menu seemed decent and continually insisted on the restaurant's authenticity (measured by the lack of sour cream on the menu; I think it's mentioned 4 or 5 separate times), but it was only when they served an initial basket of chips and salsa that my opinion changed.   They were thick homemade chips with a killer salsa piquante that was flavored and spicy as hell.  And then came the tacos.


The Taco: 5/5
I wasn't sure where to start since I ordered a smattering of Cactus (napolitos), Chorizo, Bistec, and Barbacoa (lamb).  I figured I'd start with the cactus since that would probably suck the most.  The Heaven's opened, my friends, and little taco shaped angels came pouring through and into my mouth.  I nearly wept with joy, partly because of the spicy salsa, partly because it had been so long since I'd had a decent taco, but also because of the soul-stirring combination of crispy pan-fried tortilla and greasy meat.  The pounding flavor of spice and lipids was an onslaught of deliciousness, and it was only then that I knew the taco culture of NY had finally been redeemed.  The Lamb was perfectly marinated without that distinct and pungent lamb taste, the Chorizo had great definition of flavor, and the Bistec was pretty darn good too, though not the feature.  I can't wait to try all the other flavors they have including picadillo, pescado, and cecina. 

At long last, real honest to god street tacos in NY

Acoutrement:  4/5
The toppings were actually quite good, just not huge in range.  All tacos were served with cilantro, onion, and lime, some with crema fresca or cotija as well, and all with a homemade salsa piquante.  I'd have liked a traditional salsa bar with some piquante options, but I'll live without it.  The tortillas were excellent, not too big and nicely pan-fried to a perfect crispiness just the way mama used to make it, if mama had been a mexican señora.


Value: 4/5
You're gonna spend about $10 here plus drinks, which is pretty good for what you get, but it's not exactly dollar taco amazing.  The average taco is $2.50 with some going to $3, reasonable for tacos in NY if you are getting quality.  3 or 4 make a good meal, though you might be tempted to eat more just because it's so freakin' good.

Didn't understand the puppets, but I understand the drink.

Other: 3/5
Staff was very friendly and they have fun decorations with a largely California theme plus a couple hanging marionettes that I didn't really get.  Just watch out as the clientele will largely be hipsters or people looking for tacos after painting the town red. 


Overall: 5/5
It's the real deal people, it's the kind of place you write home about and then insist on taking your friends because you finally found the best tacos in NY.  Doesn't mean I won't stop looking, but so far they've got everything else in the area beat hands-down. 

Burrito Bar

Hippies and Burritos!  Burrito Bar is a fun and colorful place in the heart of park slope with sometimes painful 60's overtones, but it rides the line between artsy and tacky well.  It reminds me of the kind of burrito place I'd expect to find in San Francisco.

Observe the intense hippie overtones of the signage.

I've eaten here a couple of times and the menu has a lot of fun variety, though I'd, of course, recommend the burritos.  The food, in general, is high quality, lean and healthy(er).  They do a lot of natural and organic type stuff to go with their hippie roots, which I think is a nice bonus.  So, even though the name says 'burrito' my eternal search for a good taco place in NY demanded that I check it out, but there were some annoying restrictions.

First, they don't serve Carne Asada tacos as an entree, only appetizer (along with chicken, shrimp, and ground beef)  and you get a choice of either 4 hard shell ones or 3 soft shell.  I was hoping for a little variety so I could try all of them, but they said I could only pick one so I made two orders, one chicken and one steak.  Entree tacos are chicken (corn tortilla), ground beef (hard-shell), or fish (hard and soft shell together).  As a side note, they played Brazilian music during my entire visit to this 'mexican' restaurant.  I was amused.  Doesn't effect the important stuff though; let's get to it.

The Taco: 2/5

A lemon wedge?  Really?  REALLY?

Honestly, not my favorite.  It wasn't like they made me violently angry, just disappointed, like a parent would feel when they realize their kid is born with webbed toes.  Mostly it was the chicken that hurt my feelings, it was bland and silly in its whiteness.  And dry, always dry with the chicken breast!  I appreciate the effort to be healthy and all, but give me some damn flavor.  Sheesh.  The steak was actually pretty killer, juicy and tender and grilled just right, but that was mostly ruined by the crappy bland tortillas that tasted stale and had a mealy sort of texture.  They could've used some grilling or pan frying or...something.  Also, the addition of cheese/tomato/lettuce toppings is just silly, this isn't taco bell for goodness sake.  Just get the steak or a burrito with steak, those are damn good.


Acoutrement: 3/5
There were definitely some good things happening in this category.  The initial salsa with the chips was a nice, mild, lumpy red.  Not a weird mystery lumpiness, but the kind that has little bits of flavor lumps that burst happiness into your mouth.  I ate a lot of it with their homemade chips that come in 4 colors (red, blue, yellow, and ORANGE.  Though depending on when in the day you go they may be stale.)  So, that stuff is good, but they didn't have any homemade piquante salsas or anything, just standard El Yucateco (a brand I'm finding owns New York mexican food, bleh) and cholula, a solid classic.


Value: 4/5

Don't be fooled by the nice presentation!  Mealy Tortillas!

 An appetizer order of 3-4 tacos for $7, not so bad.  It probably makes an alright meal for most people, though I nearly finished two orders and the complimentary chips and salsa and muffins (Muffins! I think because I went during brunch time).  Maybe go for the hard shell ones and see if you can get steak, that makes it a little better I think.

Other: 4/5 
Everything else about this place is great, just not the tacos.  They've got an amazing full bar, fresh squeezed juices, complimentary muffins during brunch, a wild fresh guacamole, and it's all mostly hippied out in it's natural/organic-ness, and mostly made with lean options, not too greasy, things like that.  Also, there is a really friendly server there named Sebbes who looks like he'd cut you something fierce if you met him in a dark alley but is the most helpful and soft-spoken guy in the restaurant.  So, go hang out here, just don't get chicken tacos or corn-tortillas.

Overall: 3/5

Bright colors!  Lights!  Racial Diversity!

It's not so bad that I haven't gone back, I just won't get the tacos.  It's in a good location, they have nice outdoor seating, a cool atmosphere, and most everything else is good, just know what to avoid and what to have.  It's called Burrito Bar for a reason, go their for Burritos or the Bar.

Me Palenque (154 East 112th Street, New York, NY 10029)

I came by this place mostly by accident and, despite the giant orange awning hanging over the storefront, I still almost walked right past the thing.  Something about posters covering the windows and a dark interior inside Spanish Harlem usually says 'not welcome'.  On the other hand, it also says 'delicious tacos', and the flashing neon open sign was enough reassurance that I could get some lunch.  So in we go!

 

 The interior was dimly lit, very spacious, and completely empty with a pool table at each end of the dining area and a collection of tacky sombreros on the wall. 

Apparently these windows are not for looking through

Very promising.  There was also a small convenient store section tucked into the corner of the restaurant and hidden behind thick bullet proof glass.  Not exactly sure what that was about.  The staff was friendly and helpful and there were a few extra friends or family members that walked through the doors every now and then just to hang out or shoot pool with the employees.  A very comfortable family-owned-business atmosphere, but let's get to what's important.

The Taco: 4/5
They were actually pretty freakin' good.  It was good to have some truly authentic tacos with nothing more than good meats, cilantro, onions, and nicely crisped double wrapped corn tortillas.  My only complaint was that they offered a number of good looking options for the taco fillings and I could only choose two for my three taco meal.  I chose the Carne Asada (of course) and the Carne Enchilada which was some sort of mystery mix of well marinated and delicious goodness.  The Carne Asada was tasty and greasy, a little chewy at times and could have been marinated better, but it was good.  Some bites had the kind of spectacular flavor that make you take a moment to pause and savor their delicate goodness.  
The Carne Enchilada, however, was a much more consistent flavor.  The marinade is excellent and the texture was better as well, my only regret was that I couldn't try more of the specialty meats to see if the other marinades were just as good.  I'm thinking probably so.  I did think the meat/tortilla ratio was a little off, the tortillas were thick and so was the meat, but I like it better when both are in smaller proportion.  I removed one of the double wrapped tortillas and they were much better.


Value: 3/5
Three tacos for $7, not bad at all.  And the portions were large enough that they were a full meal plus some.  Definitely the kind of place that you will waddle away from.

 Acoutrement: 4/5
This is where they really shined, they offered two different sauces for the tacos, one orange and one green, as well as a separate salsa for the chips in the beginning.  The chip's salsa was a delicious, well balanced combo of peppers, tomato, onion, and cilantro.  An authentic classic with just the right amount of spice to add to the taste but not take away from the whole flavor experience.
The other sauces were both good, but for completely different reasons.  The green salsa had an inexplicable...green flavor.  Very fresh tasting, almost like grass.  This could be my hippy west coast roots talking, but it tasted a bit like grass in a good way.  Serano chiles, onion, pepper, and seeds.  It's fresh and it's hot.  Very hot.  The orange was a smokey habañero salsa with a thick and peppery texture.  At first I tried it with the chips and wasn't too impressed, but once I put it on the tacos itself the overly smokey flavor smoothed out perfectly to add and enhance the deliciousness. 
 

Overall: 4/5
If there weren't a billion other places to try in this town, I'd definitely come back here, especially to try all the different types of meat fillings.  If you happen to be in the neighborhood and have a hankering for some tacos and a game of pool, stop by this place.

Jesus' Taco (1346 Amsterdam Avenue, New York, NY 10027)

It was the name that did it for me.  Once I saw that I had to check the place out, though I have to say I'm tempted to stop reporting on places that don't really stand out.

This place is a little hole-in-the-wall in the southern most part of Harlem.  It has one table in the corner, a few stools at a window ledge bar, and a bit of corny 'southwestern' art.  I was a little thrown off by the selection of burgers and gyros on their menu, but when I realized that it isn't supposed to be authentic Mexican cuisine but Tex-Mex I relaxed; one should expect anything from Texas.  At least the guys behind the counter spoke Spanish.  Well, one of them did anyway, the other was vaguely Asian looking.  At least they weren't selling General Tso's chicken along side the tacos.  Speaking of Tacos, here's how they faired:

The Taco: 3/5
Once I got over the notion that theew would be traditional Mexican tacos, it wasn't all that bad.  The steak was nothing to brag about, somewhat dry and crumbly and bland, but the chicken was quite good; it had a great grilled flavor to it, nicely charred in the way that I like, and reminiscent of the southwest.  Sort of.
It's decent Tex-Mex that comes in a thick flour tortilla and topped with lettuce, cheese, and a bit of sauce.  Basically, they are comparable to the tacos I find in Brooklyn run by the Chinese, but with tastier chicken; not exactly what I would call authentic, but good in a pinch when the need for some sort of taco is calling.  They also have the classic taco-bell style hard shell, what they call Tex-Mex Chili, it's a nice sloppy ground beef with a tangy type of sauce.  Enjoyable for what it is.
 

 Acoutrement: 2/5
Meh.  That's what I have to say about their sauces.  There is just no excuse for bad sauces, if nothing else you can always go to the store and get a nice bottle of Cholula or Valentino and be done.  Their homemade salsa has no kick and is mostly tomato with some mystery lumps.  Lumps!  Tomato!  We deserve better.  They offered a bottled hot sauce, Trappey's Red Devil Cayenne, which has no hint of cayenne or Satan.  It's mostly vinegar and tastes like Tabasco. 


Value: 3/5
Not expensive, not cheap.  I had three tacos, it was more than enough and the price averages about $2 or $2.50 a taco.

Overall: 3/5
 Not bad, not great.  Maybe the vaguely Asian guy behind the counter was more in charge than I thought.  Final say: avoid the steak, try the ground beef and bring your own salsa.

Blockheads Burritos (350 W 50th St Worldwide Plaza - New York, NY)

I had been hearing a lot about this place for a number of weeks so I figured I'd see what all the fuss was about.  I'm just going to throw this out there right now:  Bleh.  Nothing was 'brought to life' from this meal except my food critic wrath. 

I don't get the sock monkey thing.  It's not cute, it's just weird.

 

 Apparently they specialize in drinks, which makes this a big 'after-work' venue.  And by specialize I mean they are strong, cheap, and plentiful.  They even taste pretty good.  The outdoor seating is also popular,  but the food is a different story.  Before I even dive into the 'taco' issue, let me say that all their food is incredibly salty.  It doesn't have an overwhelmingly salty taste, but you can FEEL it; I took one bite and was dying of thirst the entire meal, and since they don't serve water without a direct request, it feels like a cheap ploy to sell more drinks.  It all makes perfect sense once you realize that the food is rubbish; if they sell more drinks you won't mind that you're basically eating over-priced cardboard.  Let's get to the important things, shall we?

The Taco: 2/5

Seriously, not good.  At first I was curious about the combination of a soft corn tortilla wrapped in a hard shell, it seemed like a combo of the real deal and the Taco Bell version, but I was soon disappointed.  I had three kinds of tacos, shredded beef, pollo, and picadillo (ground beef), one of each type they had to offer.  

Notice how you can't SEE the taco, just a mountain of cheese.

If you're noticing a gaping hole in the menu options that would be the total lack of Carne Asada, which might be forgivable if the rest of the food was tasty, but it's not.  The chicken tastes boiled or simply baked with no marinade.  It's good quality chicken, but the preparation is about as boring as watching golf.  The shredded beef is like a crappy and tasteless version of carne asada, but the picadillo had potential.  If only I could have tasted more of it through the heaping mounds of lettuce and cheese and the double layer of hard and soft shell tortilla.  Get the burrito.

Acoutrement: 1/5

This stuff was just straight out gross, I tried eating the salsas and couldn't bring myself to do it.  First, the salsa they served with chips at the beginning of the meal was basically ketchup.  I think it was a jarred brand on par with Tostitos.  The in-house salsas were even worse.  they were served warm (as in temperature, not spice) and had a sickly/sweet flavor with a texture that reminded me of soggy stewed veggies.  They had a green and red option, both were indigestible.  On the table they offered Tapatio (always a decent option) and that strange brand El Yucateco that I've only seen in New York.  El Yucateco is neon green in color and has an equally chemical flavor.  In general, a big fail.

Value: 1/5

 To be fair, this is just the value of the tacos.  You can get a plate of two tacos (two!) with a bit of beans and rice on the side (not exactly heavy overhead) for $10.  That's ridiculous for tacos.  I wanted a third so I was charged half as much again.  That's a whopping $15 for three tacos and some beans and rice that cost the restaurant ¢.20, I was unimpressed.  The drinks, however, are decently priced for Manhattan, though I will say that the quality of the tequila is about what you pay for.

Other: 3/5

I will grudgingly admit that the outdoor seating is nice.

The drinks are good and go down easy.  I'd try the bulldog, it's a fun combination of corona and margarita, though watch out as it packs a punch.  Also, the place is in a pretty sweet location with a large open patio that feels wonderful in the warmer months.  There's not a lot else to say, though one of my dinner companions did point out the surprisingly large percentage of terribly unattractive people that frequent the place.  Could have just been the day though, we try not to judge; ugly people deserve tacos too.  

Overall Score: 2/5

The only reason this place is not getting a lower score is that I'm sure I'll end up at the establishment again, I'll just be avoiding the tacos.  Honestly, the other food might not be that bad, but if it's tacos you are looking for then run for the hills.  I liked the bulldog quite a bit and I'm sure I'll be back for another eventually, but next time I'll plan on getting a street dog down the road.